this is such an confusing time for me. i'm trying to figure out which music school to apply to for transfer when i'm done with ccm:
.eastman school of music
.juillard
.ucla
.university of north carolina
.berklee college of music
...those are my top 5 (#1: eastman school of music)

.and having my friends starting some fights having to do with one person that is not even around the group so that much (except to see ed). and finding out more stuff to do with my real father and his family (my relatives).

i wish that somebody would've told me that the whole family (minus one) was a vocalist or a musician. i didn't even know i could sing until i was 7...and even then i wanted to be a cheerleader like my mom was when she was in high school. and i did cheerleading for 2 and a half years (1/2 year in jr. high and 2 years in high school). but. i started choir in 4th grade...and i sang in tune for a girl my age (i've had all classicial training. but i can sing anything you put in front of me...it's from my heart) but. it's still confusing because why couldn't anybody from the family tell me that i had this talent genetically. i sing. my aunts sing. my grandmother plays the piano. my one uncle plays the guitar and sings. my grandfather plays an instrument (can't remember what). my cousins play the piano and sing....and one cousin dances and plays the piano. and my real father can play the drums. i'm in a freakin' performance arts family. this is too much for me to know in one night.

**listening to: "true color" by cyndi lauper